Stitching me silent
by DieBratDie
Summary: Ryuichis mind have always been toying with his sanity, what will happen when he finally snaps, and does anything to get rid of his voices? Rated M to be safe, no fluff here, Mental disease, Self harming, Touma/Ryuichi.
1. Chapter 1

(**A/N: **Okay, Hello everyone! Nyuu-chan here, this is the first fic I upload here! :D ehehe, I do believe that you will read. If not, I have a few Pandabots in my garage that will hunt you down in your sleep ;D But that is just the worst case scenario, those who flame or ignore the little Review button I will send my Boojie-Boojie powahs on! So BEWARE!! 8'D hysterical laughter...' I am calm now. Anyways, I apologize if there are any mistakes, spelling or grammar stuff u know. I am swedish, but english isn't really a problem to me. I just have a little bit of a small vocabulary since english isn't my first launguige (see, now for example my spelling is dead. It's early in the morning and I am tired, gimme a break ) but I am doing my best .-V Enjoy my overly dramatic writing style, minna-san! I hope I give you nightmares, and don't forget the pandabot threat! . I know where you're mailbox lives and where you park your pimp hat. WOW, this is one long AN, and most of this is very unneccesary (SPELLING!! '...') One last thing, ALL OF THE HOT GRAVITATION BUYYS ARE MIIINE! ALL MINE!! MAWAHHHAHAHAHAA!! 8D...OK, I lied, they belong to Maki Murakami, but who gives a damn...corner of despair I want them anyways...o.o **-- Disclaimer**, for those who are a little blind! :D)

**Leave the waking world, parasite**

"Kumagoro? What do you want to do now, na no da?" Ryuichi said to no one in specific, his talking to himself was very normal to his coworkers in the room. He held up his stuffed bunny friend and cocked his head slightly to the side, his rambling not stopping a bit. Touma and Noriko was used to his slightly psycho behaviour and shrugged it of with a smile at their lead singers antics. "But Kuma, I'm tired of drawing, and Touma always get mad-mad when we paint the floor with the pico pico colours!" He 'answered' his silent friend and pouted. Touma glared at him and rolled his eyes.

"That's because I have to pay for the new floors, these are _my _studios you know." He murmured to Noriko who just chuckled and continued working with here scales on the keyboard.

"That's a great idea, no da! You wanna come with us Toh-chan?" Ryuichi said with a huge grin and he looked over at his childhood friend, who smiled back.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What did Kuma say?" Both he and Noriko had given up on ignoring Kumagoro, Ryuichi obviously spoke with his own mind so they had silently agreed on playing along with their friend.

"Mou, no respect!" Ryuichi pouted, a dark shadow covered his saphire blue eyes for a moment before he stood up to leave. "Kumagoro says you hurt his feelings, he needs some Ryou-time now! Bye, we are gonna shop ome ice cream n-...oh...sorry..." He got quiet and looked at his pink companion. Slowly he looked from Touma to Kumagoro and he nodded. "That's mean...but if you say so..." He said to the silent room and just left his two bandmates behind. They looked after him, worry obvious in their faces. Once he was out of hearing range, Noriko spoke up.

"He is getting worse, isn't he? Kumagoro is more alive than ever..." She whispered and looked out the window. Touma just sighed.

"I think so...We can't let him boss himself around! Should we do something?"

"There is nothing we can do, the last time we tried to get him help he acted completely normal, remember! There is something in his mind...And he is starting he freak me out! It used to be adorable, but now it's...scary." Noriko finished with a shiver. Touma stood by his window, looking at his old friend that was walking down the street against a closeby ice cream shop.

"I suppose your right...We'll think of something."

"Aiskureemuuu...I love to sing random words for no reason, It make me feel more happy and alive! Don't you think so too Kuma?"

_I don't know, Maybe you should be a little more quiet. People will think that you are a sugaraddict that will take their candy, you know. And I think I changed my mind about the icecream, it might be your body, but if you're fat, then I am fat! I don't want to be ugly, You like it when people say 'I love you' ne? They wont say that if you are fat!_

"W-what? Why would I...I mean, what can one icecream do? Kuma, do you think I'm fat?"

_You are always too fat in the celebrity world. No one will love you, you look like a whale._

"You're hurting me Kuma-chan...stop it...it's not true!" Ryuichi had stopped dead in his tracks, he was on his way through an ally and there was no one around here.

_Admit it, Why would anyone love us if it weren't for your looks? No one likes you for you, everyone loves you for me. I am the adorable Ryuichi Sakuma's personality, you are nothing but good looks and a singing voice._

"Why are you doing this again? Kuma..." This started to make the brunette singer sick, he fell to his knees, staring in disbelief at his old friend. "I don't want to...Kuma, don't make me...I just wanted to eat some ice cream..." He whispered and hugged the bunny close to his chest.

_Stop being such a child...This is the reason why you don't deserve to exist! You are always immature, you are stuck at being an overly hyper 12 year old! That is when we first met, wasn't it? That's when I created what you are today. A big lie. A big fat lie._

"Shut up...Please, don't do this...not again!" Ryuichi cried and covered his ears. Kumagoro was still in his lap, he didn't have the heart to throw him away. He always came back, one way or another...whatever he did, that cheery voice was always in his head, telling him what to do and controling his emotions. When Kumagoro told him that he was sad, he automaticly acted out the voices emotion. He wanted so badly to take things seriously, but Kumagoro kept telling him how people lie, how they decive. The voice was his law.

"What do you want me to do Kuma?"

_Prove to me that people will still love you. Ruin your looks and silence your voice forever, cut your throat open if you have to. Then go to the closest fan and ask her to help a man with a bleeding and swollen face. Then you will see that there is no such thing as a kind human being. They hate you, they all hate you. I will leave if they help you, I will leave if Touma still can say 'I love you' like he always do at night. I doubt it though._

"You're wrong...Tell me what to do, I'll prove it to you! I had it with you, I want you out of my mind!" Ryuichi cried, he held up his 'friend' and stared angrily into his torn and light pink face. A small hole was placed where the side of Kumagoros mouth was supposed to be and the stuffing was coming out. "...You're broken..."

_Yes, you are. Fix yourself. You'll know what to do when you have. Fix this, figure out the lie by yourself for once._

"Where is he going?" Touma frowned as he saw Ryuichi come back from the alley he just entered, wiping his face of and walking quickly against his closeby apartment. Something was off, Kumagoro was hanging losely from his hand, nowhere close to his body as usualy. His cellphone snapped him out of his thoughts and he picked up.

_I'll just finish this call, then I'm going to check on him._

_Take out the sewing kit._

"You don't need to tell me that! I have fixed you a million times." Ryuichi answered, his voice was short. "I am so mad at you Kuma-chan! You said I look like a whale!"

_Don't be rude now...this is almost over. Hurry up and fix yourself. Finish..._

A sigh escaped from Ryuichi's throat. He didn't want to ruin his voice, but he had to get rid of this now...He couldn't stand this anymore, the voice...It just.wouldn't.stop! He took out pink thread and a sharp silvery needle. Slowly he fixed the injury on his friends face, too lost in thought to notice that he continued sewing almost four centimeters too much. He looked down at his Kumagoro, his friend since almost 20 years...It all began with him, now he couldn't take it anymore! It had to stop with him too...He cried out in suprise when he noticed the damage that was made on Kumagoros face, the stitches went straight over the are where his mouth was sup-...No...

"Kumagoro...I beg you, don't! I can't do it!" Against his will he raised the needle, he had put in more thread than he had needed to fix the small hole on Kumas face, he understood the reason for that now. "Kuma! Kuma, please! Stop!" Tears were flowing unstopable down his cheeks now, he was scared to disobey Kumagoros orders, the voice would erase his entire memory! He could see that now, Kumagoro was in his brain, he was holding a huge kitchen knife. If he didn't do this, he would be killed. Sobbing endlessly he put the sharp silver against the corner of his mouth and could do nothing but feel his own hand tense as he pushed the needle, first through the lower and directly through he higher lip. He screamed out at the intense wave of pain that threatened to make him pass out and shut his eyes in terror. "No! Don't, I don't want to! I'm scared, I'm scared!" He screamed in panic. The stitching continued against his will, he could no longer open his mouth entirely, only the right half of his mouth were still open. Inside his head, an evil chuckle had continued, with time his saphire blue eyes dulled more and more and the laugh became more intense. An insane laughter filled his ears and the pain trippled in his face, the reason for that he noticed after ceveral minutes.

He was the one laughing. The action made the stitches move and tear at his pierced flesh and skin. His face burned and he could taste his own blood in his mouth, mixed with his salty tears. A finishing stitch and he dropped the needle, it was hanging a little bit lower than his chin, staining his shirt his fresh blood. He just stayed where he were, in the end he had been tossing and squirming so much from the pain that he had rolled down to the floor, he looked up at the white ceiling, he could also smell the blood now, not only taste it. A thin red line was staining the light hardwood floor, filling his ears with a low 'drip drip'. The pain was turning into a dull ache and his face felt hot. He was so tired and lightheaded...However, Kumagoros cries and screams of pain in his head kept him awake, kept him alive. He loved the pain in that little demons voice, he deserved the pain! Once again he laughed, ignoring the burning sensation by his lips when the thread teared at his flesh. The stitches that kept his mouth closed was digging deeper into his face, creating more laughs.

A soft knock on the door was heard and Ryuichis eyes snapped open, his head throbbed and he felt so...warm...almost as if he had a fever...Why was he on the floor? Oh damn, someones at the door...

_Why am I so tired? Gah, my face hurts...I probably look like a mess, better cover my face. It could be a reporter. God, I must be hangover, I can't remember drinking though..._

He was wearing a lightgreen hoodie, he corrected his hair so that it covered his eyes and pulled the hood up to protect his face. When he opened he didn't dare to look up, if someone saw him in such a hungover mode, he would die from embarresment!

"Ryou? Whats wrong, why did you leave work like that? I thought you were going to buy some ice cream?" Toumas voice reached his ears and he sighed from relief. It was just Touma, he was kind! Thats when he tried to open his mouth and speak, the shock from the sudden pain and the panic from not being able to speak, made him fall to his knees. He ignored Toumas questions and reached up with a hand to touch his burning lips...

_what is this...it feels like a...zipper or something...thread? _

In desperation he started to fumble at the edges of his mouth, but he couldn't find an opening, just stiff lines of thread that was drenched in dry blood. Suddenly, everything came back to him and he started to sob. His head was still at his knees, and he held his ears, the laughing drowning Toumas useless tries to get his attention. A hard push forced him on his back and his hood fell of, so did Touma the moment he saw his fellow bandmate's torn and bleeding face. A cry of fear was heard from Nittle Graspers head keyboardist and he put a hand before his mouth. He nearly threw up at the sight of his best friends ruined lips, but decided to help the singer sit up.

"What the _hell _did you do! Who did this...Oh god, Ryuichi! Here, come on! You need to get to a hospital!" Touma got the taller and heavier man up and supported him by the waist. He cringed when he noticed that Ryuichi was trying to speak and he softly put a hand on the singers chin. "Don't speak, don't attempt to make any noise. Your mouth...it's sewn shut...It will only hurt more if you talk." He whispered, fighting nausea and tears as he picked up Ryuichis phone, dialing the number for an ambulans.

_Dear Touma, you are suprising me...why are you helping this useless creature out?_

"..." _Stop...you can't do this..._

_Look at him! He is pathetic, look was he did to himself! Sick, sick and twisted! Monster!_

"...To...uuuuh..." _Touma, please don't listen!_

_You're not looking! Disgusting, sick, twisted, insane! _

"Yur...rr..ght" _I give in, I give up! Please, don't tell him! I don't want him to know..._

_He is an insane monster, he is a killer, he is a psycho! And he takes order from a voice...Weak!_

_Be quiet...I told you he would still love me...Touma loves me, no matter what...He doesn't care about that..._

_How can he care about something he do not know? Liar._

_Leave, You were wrong. You promised me..._

_Don't forget...As long as you are lying, I am lying. Do you know why?_

_...I am...you?_

_That's right...You told yourself that it was the other way, but it is not. I am you, I am your mind, I am your body, I am your all. You are nothing but a pathetic parasite._

_You tricked me..._

_You tricked yourself._

_Right...is there a diffrence?_

_Finally you understand. Sleep now, leave the waking world._

"Ryuichi, I said, don't speak! I am right here, Noriko will be at the hospital. I'll drive you there, but we need to get to the car. Work with me this last bit, you can do it. I Love You, don't give up."

_What did I tell you?_

Silence at last.

_**Owari**_


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N: Yaaay, quick update! :D Next chappie might be out later tonight if I don't fall asleep over my keyboard soon, or tommorow! I would think tommorow or the day after that. I have a 'That could happend...' idea, but I'm not sure xD be patient, I would like some reviews! :D / Your very beloved, Nyuu-chan (At least I hope so! o.o)**

**Chapter 2**

Beep...beep...beep

Slowly Ryuichi opened his eyes and scanned his surroundings.

Beep...beep...beep

The room was white, way to white to be trusted as safe. A strong smell of hospital lingered in the air and he frowned.

Beep..beep..beep

His breathing sped up and he blinked a few times, his head was spinning and he had began to feel nauseus. Why was he in a hospital?

Beep..Beep..Beep

Where is...Touma? I need to speak with him...Something is off here...Why does it feel like I can't...smile?

Beep.beep.beep

His right hand clutched tightly onto the sheet, his memories started to flow back into his mind. He hesistated for a moment before bringing a hand to his lips, he feared that the stiff thread would still be in place, keeping his lips sealed.

BeepBeepBeep

He released a reliefed sigh as he noticed that there was nothing there. His mouth was aching and stinging, under his slowly moving fingers he could feel the scars that the needle had created as it pierced through his lips. Why on earth had he acted like that? He had been so scared, his own mind had made him believe that he was about to die if he didn't obey that voice. It had hurt so bad...He could still feel that numbing pain of the metal spike being forced through his flesh. All he was able to create in soundway was a weak whimper and he felt tears starting to stain his pale face all over again. The constant beeping from his heartmonitor sped up even more and an alarm was activated.

What's wrong with me? My voice...Why is everything so quiet? Kuma-chan? Kumagoro!?

A group of doctors with Touma in tow came into the room, one of the nurses forced a sedative in his IV and the beeping soon ceased a little, he felt warm and he relaxed again. His confusion and tears wasn't stopped by the oh-so-wonderful morphine though, he looked over at Touma with a helpless face. Touma pushed the doctors aside and hugged his friend tightly.

"What did you do to yourself...Why did you do that to yourself?!" The keyboardist demanded and gave the brunette a kiss on the forehead, motioning for the doctors to leave. Ryuichi just stared at his own knees, unwilling and unable to speak. He wouldn't answer even if he knew. The fear of feeling the cotton thread tearing and stretching his lips whenever he tried to speak was to great, he grinded his teeth together to keep his lips closed. "Ryou...talk to me...please?" Touma pleaded and continued to touch the crying singers face. Ryuichi was still carressing his scars with the tip of his finger, Touma could see how scared he were. He pulled the singer into another warm hug, this time he layed down beside him, wrapping the brunettes shaking shoulder with his arms. "Are you scared that the...the stitches will hurt your mouth again? Does it feel like they are still there?" A few quick nods against his chest made him frown. "I'll let you sleep, just nod or shake your head to answer this question..." Ryuichi pulled back enough to shyly look up at Toumas face, his brown bangs covering his teary eyes a little. "Did...Kumagoro tell you to do this? In your head?" After a few more silent moments, Ryuichi nodded furiously again, cuddling closer to his friend. He was whimpering slightly behind closed lips and he stained Toumas shirt with fresh tears.

When Touma finally decided to try and get out of bed and go sleep at the sofa in the room, he slowly tried to release Ryuichis deathgrip on his shirt. He sat at the edge of the bed and was about to get up when he heard sobbing. A hand fumbled around in the air behind him and grabbed a hold on the back of his shirt. He smiled sadly at Ryuichis confused and heartbreaking face and he went back to lay down. Ryuichi made a pleased noise at the warmth that came back and emmidietly snuggled up against his chest again, his hands fisted on Toumas already wrinkled shirt.

"I suppose you don't want to be alone, Ryou-chan...I won't leave you, I promise..." The blonde whispered before closing his aquamarine coloured eyes, slowly falling asleep next to the happily snoring singer.


End file.
